I have to get a few things off my chest.
#1. Bed rest is NOT a vacation.. It seems more like a waste of life! It had its perks the first few days but I just want so badly to get out there again! To live and be free to do whatever it is I want to do (which would most likely be shopping of cleaning my home!)
#2 Telling someone gently that they have a booger on there face where no one else can pick up on it is loving, correcting, and caring. Shouting to the world that the person has a booger on their face does not show any love whatsoever!!! It is pure BULLEYING! I hate bullies! Mainly because I have been bullied all my life and don't have super powers to put them in their place!
#3. I NEED my children! John and I have not had a break from our children since the moment we were married. I have always been pregnant or nursing or both! Sometimes I just wanted a week off! But I'm so done! My daughter turns three on Wednesday, and am I there for her? NO! She is far far away from mommy! I see them on skype and my heart starts tearing in all different directions. My boy just left for the next three days and I am already feeling out of place. My children NEED stability, they need their mother! I feed them a certain way, dress them a certain way, bathe them a certain way, they have routines! They know what they should and shouldn't eat but will stop all of that when I am not there to guide them. B's face is even getting chubbier and she is supposed to be getting out of that baby phase!
#4. My husband does NOT do things the way I do! I love him to pieces and couldn't survive with out him but he hates having to ask me how to do something, he would just rather guess and figure it out. The problem is, I am an OCD freak! I have a system. If he asks and I start telling him how I do it, he says I am treating him like a child. But he is a child when it comes to my system!
#5. I will be the first to admit my many many faults! But I do appreciate people gently and lovingly help me see things that I can not see that I am at fault on. I will gladly add it to my list of priority changes. Some things need corrected before others but it will get done, If I don't like it about me.
All in all, my burden feels lighter, I like getting on that soap box every once in a while! I have so much more to add but will save it for a later date!
I know there is really nothing I can say to make you feel better. You are going through a trial that is uniquely yours, and it seems that you are learning and growing through it, which is the reason for our our tribulations. I know it is hard to feel out of control. That I do understand. You have to dig deep, take a deep breath and just. let. go. Your children will be fine. They are still little and very resilient. Your home can be cleaned at a later date. It's just stuff. The people who are all helping you are receiving wonderful blessings for the service they are providing. You have chosen through faith to see this through, so your challenge is to focus on you and baby. Take care of yourself, and give thanks and praise for those who are taking care of your children during your struggles. I don't want to diminish the difficulty at all. My heart breaks for you, but I know that you will see it through. The only thing that heals this one is time, and in a year or two from now you will look back with a different perspective. Your children will be okay. They are healthy and loved, which is the most important. Please try to let your worry go. It will only make your nauseas and all the other symptoms worse. Release the stress and give it to the Lord. He is the only one in the universe who knows EXACTLY how you feel right now--because He already felt it--long before you were called to endure it. Give it to Him. Let it go. Breathe & take care of YOU.
ReplyDeleteSending you love, hugs, and lots of prayer. <3
Brandi
Brandi, I love how strong your testimony is. And thank you. You are wise and loving. You are absolutely right... Although it is harder done than said. I will try.
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