Going Home!

Yes that is what you read..... I am going HOME!!!

Dr Muinch came back at noon. He told me that he would like to preform an amniocentesis on me and to put some dye in my uterus! He was worried about the green discharge and wanted to see where it came from. He also wanted to see if I am still leaking because in the ultra sound my fluid is up to 9.1 (YAY) and he said that 9.5 is a low normal. (SO CLOSE!) He seems to think I am very lucky and could have resealed! I never thought I would hear those words. (RESEALED?) I told him that I did not want to do the procedure because the risk of me re-breaking if I had resealed would be against my nature.

He accepted and gave me a long speech about what he thinks I should do and what he would like to happen. He thinks that since I have good fluid that I go home and be closely monitored as I have been. Once a week trips to springs and once a week trips to my Pueblo doctor. He said I could stay in the hospital if I wanted to but he doesn't recommend it because I am doing so well and so is baby. So I told him I would go home and asked him a zillion and one questions because I was paranoid about being put into an emergency situation! He was gracious enough to answer all my questions.

I might still be leaking (i know i am, yesterday i had a small gush) but it looks like I AM healing. He wants me to continue my routine and take it very easy... no getting over confident just yet... but if I am lucky I could go to full term and have a happy, healthy, normal baby. He wants me to make it to 28 weeks and if I have not gained more fluid by then he will stick me in the hospital. Or he will stick me in right away if my fluid reduces to below 5cm.

I can't tell you how elated I am to be healing and to be going back home! It is so much comfier there with my husband and my boy! Even if I still should stay flat and only have bathroom privileges. Pictures to come!

23 Weeks 5days

I was admitted to the hospital a little earlier than expected.... One night earlier actually! I had this green discharge and felt nasty last night so I called the on call doctor and asked him if the discharge was normal. He was very concerned about it and said I need to be checked asap. I decided to go straight to St. Francis instead of the hospital close by so I didn't need to be transferred by ambulance the next day. It was the BUMPIEST trip the whole hour and fifteen minutes there! I lay in the back of my mother's luxury van and one time I bounced a foot into the air. lol. I thought, "well if I wasn't in labor before I will be now!"

The doctor had called ahead so that the hospital would be expecting us, but when we got there... they had no clue who I was, where I came from,  or what I was going through!! It was awful!!! They checked my "area". WHICH I WAS SOOOO ANGRY ABOUT, because that increases the risk of infection and my doctors have been trying to stay away from that!! I tried to tell them NO but they were worried about the green discharge and infection. The worst part was the doctor that came in. I would compare him to MR. BEAN!!!! He looked like he was clueless about pregnancy or about anything! I had to tell him my story from the beginning and cover EVERYTHING the doctors have told me!! He says "well, uh" and makes a BEAN face. I was not in the mood for comedy and felt like I had to take the reins. I just told them I would still like to meet with Dr. Muinch and be admitted since it was going to happen tomorrow anyway.

I finally got my room and was set up. I changed into some comfy clothing of my own and explored my room. VERY NICE! It is very big! and has a pull out couch bed for the hubby when he stays the night. The night nurse kept me up half the night listening to baby and getting my vitals and getting me up to potty! I was exhausted by morning. I slept maybe four hours. In the morning I met Dr. Muinch for the first time. Professional, stern, to the point, does what he thinks is best, and gives OPTIONS! I felt intimidated and walked on. I am soooo tired of hearing how my baby will be a cripple and have problems if... IF... she survives. I DON"T CARE! I am going to do everything I think is best to give her the best chance she can get!!!!!!

Don't worry it gets better....

The ultra sound tech came later and scanned me and baby for an hour or more! I am VERY interested in seeing my baby so I didn't mind one bit!! I had so much fun! Except the parts where I kept falling asleep! How embarrassing! hope she didn't notice! I saw everything about my little girl! Her lungs moving, her beautiful heart, her sweet face, and how her feet and hands were touching her face. In fact, it was clear she was chewing on something.... or maybe is was sucking on something. At first the tech couldn't figure out if it was her toes or her fingers!!! We finally got a great picture, which I will post later, of her sucking her THUMB! And get this,,, she scored an 8 out of 8 on body movement and 40% in the growth percentile! 1lbs 4oz!!

Just waiting for the doctor to come back and tell me what he thinks of it all!

Check out that BUM!

Now that's hot! Check out that cloth on that bum! I'm so excited to get a chance to try them! He is so cute!!

Pictures 23 Weeks

Can you see baby yawn? Her mouth is open in both pictures.... She is so sweet!

Getting Things Heated!

Did you know there is no proof that bed rest works. No medical entries actually state that bed rest will help you stop preterm labor or keep baby in after your water breaks. I have done too much research on the matter. Many argue that the risks to bed rest out weigh the benefits. In that I can understand!

My family has been separated, split up and disbanded! My children go through so much stress! Husband struggles in school now, I accomplish nothing and watch as the world passes me by. I could get blood clots, I could get infection, I could even get muscle dystrophy, Or have heart problems after this, and depression is a big side affect!

The only thing I have come across that states success in such an adventure is thousands of mothers with success stories. would you like to know the first thing I asked my doctor when this all happened? "Can I drink a lot of water to help?"his reply? "water won't help a thing, no matter what you do, this is going to be a miscarriage. I suggest we induce right away!"

WRONG! I'm sorry to step on your totally smart brain doc but I've done my research and you haven't! Water does more than you can imagine! It keeps the body flushed out, it wards off infection, and it does help in getting amniotic fluid to increase! Don't get me started on the power of gatorade! You would be an idiot to over look my success story! Would I have gotten this far without a gallon of water and gatorade to drink everyday? I highly doubt it! (they even "say" that electrolytes actually rebuild your sack! all here say.... But you get the idea.)

My point is.... Wow, the first thing you can suggest is termination? I know things look grim but i'm a fighter, and I don't give up easily and this baby is a fighter too! Any mother in her right mind and thinking for herself would gladly put herself on the line for her child! The only thing I haven't tried is the suggested method of an amnio infusion! Which i'm glad I haven't done it but if push came to shove..... I would if I felt I had no other choice!

I'm 23 Weeks now! I never thought I would be able to say those numbers this time around. What ever I have been doing is working! Infection free, blood clot free, depression free (for now), and baby had up to 8cm of fluid last checked!! Miracle? I think so! Anytime is better than no time.

I would be stupid not to recognize Gods hand in all this! Every choice I have made had been led by the spirit!! A great number of prayers have been offered up for baby, for me, and even John! We are in his hands completely and entirely!! I can not express how grateful I am to have had this bond with my daughter, to have gone through this trial (please never send me through this again!), and to have learned what I have learned.

Every mother out there... Follow YOUR instincts! Don't ever give up because someone says you have no chance! There is always hope!

What? How Much?

My last appointment with my regular obgyn was today. This week has been horrible!

1) nightmares galore. They won't stop! I wake up crying, screaming, in shock, and confused! (these dreams include dying babies, Scandalous wooing of made up hunks, being forgotten as the world lives on and passes me by, my husband leaving me for beautiful made up women, and being pregnant with baby dying.....) Is that last one reality or a dream?

2) Emotions are out of control! I cry at the stupidest things, I cry in the middle of the night, and I cry just to cry! I can't help it, it just happens!

3) my husband is having troubles with school and I can't really help! He wants to pass his classes and is studying for all his tests but his grades seem to keep slipping... They are at (B's) now....it's frustrating!!

4) I have spent most of the time drinking fluid and taking care of myself day in and day out going "overboard" in trying to keep out infection and keep in the water. What has it gotten me so far?

I will tell you now that you have gone deeply into my mind and life, I should let you know what happened today at my appointment to finish off my "wonderful" week.

A) Baby was ALIVE!
B) there was over an AFI of 8!!!! (WHAT, HOW MUCH? No way recheck!) (she was almost floating again)
C) she is still a girl
D) that water pocket of fluid by her heart has gone down!
E) she was being so cute with the camera: yawing, balling her fists by her face, pressing her toes into my cervix (felt so weird), and I could count her fingers and toes!

We got pictures of most of these things, which I will be posting later. But how exciting that I have gotten these results! I am so happy with relief and shock and gratitude! I love her and my hubby and my children! I love today's appointment! I love you all for not forgetting me totally. What a great way to start my last week of freedom! Next week, hospital here I come!!! (now if I can just get those dreams of wooing hunks to increase to more than the baby dreams, I will be one happy woman!..... Yes John laughs at me!!)

Cloth on that BUM!

I am starting to Cloth diaper my babies. I tried it a while back with what they call flats and it was okay but I couldn't leave the house because he would Pee once and I had to change him or nap time, same issue... And bed time! It worked great with #2 though and washing them was not a big deal at all! Really easy!!

So the other day I did a lot of research on cloth diapering and figured out what I would like to try! Pockets with bamboo inserts and flats for inserts! If they work I will buy more! They are so friggin CUTE! I would like to try all in ones but they are pricey! I just wish I would have tried this way earlier! I would have saved $5,000 total is the past five years with my number of children! This included disposable diapers, disposable wipes, and bum cream for three children with two diapering at one time it is probably more, but i'm not going to dig up receipts!

So if I buy enough diapers to fit Cannon, Breyla at night, and baby on the way for three days no laundry it will be $250.... Then I need to buy some clothes specifically for diaper changes, enough to last three days also and it will be $10 and you can't use any zinc cream with these cloth diapers (which have always made my kids break out anyways) they suggest corn starch baby powder or coconut oil!!! Very cheap and lasts forever, not to mention toxic free!!! Then you add two loads of laundry a week which means nothing to our pile that never runs out! Plus... I never have to buy again! unless I find something too cute that I want to see on my babies bottom! They have everything!

Cloth diapering can be as easy as disposables and quick! They have some many cute diapers that look like disposables but have the cutest designs and colors! I am going to try to go neutral so they can be used by my girls and my boy... But I will have to get a couple cute pinks and purples for pure pleasure's sake!!

Cloth diapers has its downs, like trial and error and scrapping poop into the toilet but I have heard that you don't get those explosions that I always seem to be cleaning up with my kids with disposables. Its great for my wallet, the environment, and babies bum!

Life

Life goes on. My husband was hit pretty darn hard my a big truck on Valentines day. After seeing the damage to the drivers side door, I don't now how he is alive. He had to have had a few guardian angels there to protect him. I love him so much! I'm so grateful he only suffers from a few broken ribs and nothing life threatening. (the finance part of the situation might not be so lucky though).

We had such a romantic evening planned... Homemade Italian dinner, fondue for two, candles, movie, game, snuggling! (we can't go further than that if you know what I mean!) But we were going to make the most of it.

Our day didn't turn out to be so Romanic at all. Yet, we felt close and in love. Trials tend to bring us closer. And I was just thankful to have him on Valentines day! I really hope we can pull through this. Bed rest is hard on him as it was! Now taking care of me and the kids with broken ribs is going to be painful and tough. But what other choice do we have?

We have no choice but to rely completely on our Father in Heaven for both financial help and physical help. We can't do it anymore by ourselves. At least I know that we have such amazing family and an amazing ward to assist us in this rough time.

2 weeks 1 day

I went to my specialist in Springs today. It was a very thorough appointment. Made me feel better, kind of relieved. She weighs 15 oz now and it growing great. She has powerful kidneys and her heart is beautiful. 

On that note…. They did find a small water pocket next to her heart. This scared them and terrifies me! Doc said it could be that the baby is sick or it could be that the baby has a heart defect. They can’t be certain because it just showed up and it is boarder line. They will just have to keep an eye on it.

I am so scarred! I have two weeks one day till my next specialist appointment. From that appointment, they will admit me to St Francis Medical Center. I was so excited to hit my goal of 24 weeks. Now I am just terrified that it is so close. This is my last two weeks out of the hospital, if she makes it that far.  I get my girls back in one week. One week of us altogether before I go into solitude.

The ultrasound tech admitted that this girl of ours is one heck of a fighter and is doing as BEST as she can in this situation. She was amazed and so was the doctor. I believe in her. Come on baby girl, you can do it! I can do it! We can make it!! We have to make it!!!!

Doctor Appointment

I'm sorry to say that there was no good news at my appointment. There was some depressing news but no bad news either. The depressing news is that I have indeed leaked out all my water. Well most of it. The umbilical cord was in some fluid but all my other pockets fizzled out. Just a small haze of it left.

Dang you sneezing! This cold has caused me some troubles but I have had a few gushes here and there during my sleep. I'm so  sad. To pick me up, John took me out to a restaurant that was on the way home, BINGO BURGER. BEST NATURAL BURGER JOINT IN TOWN. My back hurt a lot by the end of the meal but no leaking.

The meal was great but I still feel down, i'm still sick and I am hoping to really get things back on task. (self pity! "hey everyone gets a bit of this every once in a while") right now...  I Have to much of it!! :-(

Braids Part Two

Well, they aren't done yet. I have the back still to do. What do you think? Do I look like Medusa? Or is it okay?

Braides

I Have decided I HATE MY HAIR LONG, while on bedrest! Now matter how much I comb it, I get dread locks!! My hair is corse, thick, and curly. This causes dread locks easily when laying down all day. Since I am so tired of fighting with it, I have decided to braid it! Not a regular braid, I try that a failed epicly. My hair ended up getting dread locked inside the braid!! Mini braids. I will do my head in tiny little braids. I have already started and it doesn't look bad! Although my hands hurt just after ten of them! My hair is THICK! did I already mention that? There will be a thousand of these braids! This is going to take forever! Good thing I have plenty of time to spare! I promise to post a picture when I am close to done. What do you think? Abort the mission or go full force!?

SOAP BOX

I have to get a few things off my chest.

#1. Bed rest is NOT a vacation.. It seems more like a waste of life! It had its perks the first few days but I just want so badly to get out there again! To live and be free to do whatever it is I want to do (which would most likely be shopping of cleaning my home!)

#2 Telling someone gently that they have a booger on there face where no one else can pick up on it is loving, correcting, and caring. Shouting to the world that the person has a booger on their face does not show any love whatsoever!!! It is pure BULLEYING! I hate bullies! Mainly because I have been bullied all my life and don't have super powers to put them in their place!

#3. I NEED my children! John and I have not had a break from our children since the moment we were married. I have always been pregnant or nursing or both! Sometimes I just wanted a week off! But I'm so done! My daughter turns three on Wednesday, and am I there for her? NO! She is far far away from mommy! I see them on skype and my heart starts tearing in all different directions. My boy just left for the next three days and I am already feeling out of place. My children NEED stability, they need their mother! I feed them a certain way, dress them a certain way, bathe them a certain way, they have routines! They know what they should and shouldn't eat but will stop all of that when I am not there to guide them. B's face is even getting chubbier and she is supposed to be getting out of that baby phase!

#4. My husband does NOT do things the way I do! I love him to pieces and couldn't survive with out him but he hates having to ask me how to do something, he would just rather guess and figure it out. The problem is, I am an OCD freak! I have a system. If he asks and I start telling him how I do it, he says I am treating him like a child. But he is a child when it comes to my system!

#5. I will be the first to admit my many many faults! But I do appreciate people gently and lovingly help me see things that I can not see that I am at fault on. I will gladly add it to my list of priority changes. Some things need corrected before others but it will get done, If I don't like it about me.

All in all, my burden feels lighter, I like getting on that soap box every once in a while! I have so much more to add but will save it for a later date!

Sick

Yesterday I got sick. With much help from my friend, Crystal, I was finally able keep liquid down. The baby needs me to drink liquid! As much as possible every day! I try for more than a gallon. Yesterday I was shy of a gallon by about 23 oz.

Today I felt great until 6 o'clock. Then the nausea came on! I feel so sick again. So is it a bug, virus, or a pregnancy thing? Maybe food poisoning? I wish it would go away!

At least I have such good friends! I would torn and tattered without my family and friends!!

Baby Jayden

This is Baby Jayden, born at 30 weeks. They had to preform an emergancy c-section because his heart rate was dropping so much in the whomb. He came out perfect! He was breathing on his own and doing so well. Then a pocket of hair burst in his lunges and crushed his little heart. His mommy got to hold him for 20 minutes before he past on.

Out of all the beautiful success stories and pictures I have access to, this one grabbed my heart and I couldn't help but write about it. It breaks me into tears, to pain, to hope! I really want Christine to know she will be in my prayers today. I don't know how I will be if  I have to be placed in her situation, but I know I would need support and love!

Insight

My DH (dear husband) was thinking, a few weeks back, about if the baby made it what he would say in a blessing. Of course, he wouldn't tell me what he thought but he did tell me that every thought rounded to the baby being a girl. WHAT? He told me from the beginning that he thought for sure the baby was a boy and he has been right on all of them! Then yesterday happened... and he was right the second time not the first... a little girl!

It is amazing the impression he felt from the spirit. I still can't rap my head around it! Another little girl! I wonder if this is the girl I have dreamt about in the past.

For some reason or another, the baby seems more fragile now, more delicate, in greater need. Is it the thought that it is a girl and not a boy? Or is it just knowing the gender? I'm almost regretting knowing because I am so much more scared of the out come.

I have faith though. My goal is April. I will have peace if I can make it to April!