Last night I had nightmares! One still really sticks out.
There was this woman and I that went shopping. She was pregnant with twins. As soon as we entered the store she went into labor. I knew how to operate in this situation but would not be able to do it all by myself so I shouted for two people that were standing by to call an ambulance and the other to get towels and blankets.
They just stood there so I ignored them and just assumed they were doing what I asked since this lady was obviously in labor. I delivered the first baby and handed her over to the lady that was supposed to have the towels and blankets but she didn't. I had to deliver the next baby which came right out. They were soooo small. I cleaned off and gave that baby to mommy to deliver the placenta and then realized that something was wrong with the first baby.
The water sack was still around the baby! I got sooooo panicked and didn't know what to do. So I tore the sack. The baby wasn't ready to come. It was soooo small and fragile. I just sat there with the baby in my arms not knowing what to do. The ambulance never came, the blankets never came. The baby was dying and i didn't know what to do. let alone be qualified for any of this.
I wanted to cry that no one cared for this woman and her babies. That no one would try to save her or her babies.
I woke up shaking. So scared about my baby coming before he is 24 weeks and no one caring because he isn't viable yet.. Just doing nothing to help him. I wish I was surrounded by midwives and Aunts and plenty of experienced women! They all seem so far away.
I know that I might have to go through this soon but I don't think I'm ready yet.
You will be as ready as you can be for whatever may happen. Our minds play tricks on us so don't rely on your mind. Lean on the feelings of your heart & listen carefully for promptings. Pray Pray always. We are all here to help you through wether we are near or far we are here to support you & your little one. You will never be left alone I promise.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, one of the worst parts of pregnancy are the awful dreams you have. Right after I had Releena I had horrible nightmares about someone coming in and killing her right in front of my eyes! It was terrifying! I woke up so many times crying or screaming because in my dream there was nothing I could do to stop them! But in REAL LIFE people are here for you, they care and you CAN take action, the people around you WILL take action. you just have to ask. It sounds as though all of your fears are being illustrated through a dream. Don't worry hon. we won't let anything like that happen to you. :) you do have me! I promise!
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