I have always been a thin girl. Maybe too thin most of my life. It is how i'm built. I have acne, spots, frizzy hair, pale skin, scars, short and brittle nails, very poor teeth, and my family pokes fun of me for my nose!!!
But I have learned to deal with all those imperfections because of the few wonderful traits I do have. One of them the ability to stay thin with out trying. And now that has been taken from me as well.
In all three of my pregnancies I gained so little. 12.5 lbs with my first. 27 with my second. 24 with my third. And those pregnancies went to full term! This pregnancy I started at 121 (which is really thin for my height of 5'7"). And now at only 25 Weeks pregnant I am 148. (that is 27lbs)
I don't mean for those that weigh more than that to feel bad because of this: being thin made it okay that I had acne, bad teeth, and the rest of it... At least I had one bonus to my looks, and now I feel as if I am going to double that weight by the time this is over and I will never get it off ever again. I feel so ugly. Fat, pimply, scarred, rashes everywhere, hairy, bad teeth, and a nose that doesn't fit my face. nothing left to feel pretty about. I never knew it meant so much to me until now. I can't stop crying!
Vent over.
Oh Johanna, I never thought you had any of those bad things. And give yourself a break. You have been bedridden for this entire pregnancy. You don't burn calories when you don't do anything. Plus a normal weight gain for a pregnancy is 25-35 lbs. I gained about 65 with my babies. It will come off once you are able to move again. It may take longer than before, but you are also older. Try not to be hard on yourself. You are a beautiful person inside and out.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I am just down and feeling ugly. I don't wear makeup anymore or even do my hair. I can't even shave my legs. I just wish I could look nice again.
DeleteYou're not fat Jo. This is your 4th baby and you are on bedrest. I am sure that once you have the baby and are able to get back to normal all of the baby weight will come right off. Being pregnant is hard, but what makes it worth it for me is thinking about holding that sweet little baby and all the memories and fun you will have once she gets here. One thing that you are also VERY blessed with is the fact that you dont have stretch marks. You have a lot of great and amazing qualities! You are beautiful! And a lot of the things you listed can be fixed and dont last. Once Brandt is a dentist he will work on your teeth! And you wont have acne forever. Trust me, I still get break outs and I cant wait for the day that they go away!
ReplyDeleteThanks girlie. I lose hope with all this. Are all these sacrifices worth it? Will I get to keep her? I don't see my good qualities because I feel so prehistoric. I look at myself and I don't see what I have worked so hard to accomplish. I just see flaws and imperfections that will never go away. I am glad to have such good women in my life to help me feel better.
DeleteHaha, Johanna, you realize that the weight you are at right now, is my "goal" weight!!! you are SOOOOOO not fat dearie. lol I dream of being as "fat" as you!!! You have to figure, about 8 or 9 lbs of it is going to be from your breasts (heeeey, something good DOES come from being pregnant... right??? lol) so there's that, then there is baby, so a couple of pounds there, and the placenta, another pound or so there, so that's like 12 of the pounds, and the main reason you've gained weight at all, is because you've HAD to decrease your activity level, once you've had baby, you'll be back up and running around being your skinny self again! I wouldn't worry about it!!! as for the pimples, blame your hormones, I know a thing or two about acne, and one of the MAIN triggers for MY body, is ALWAYS stress. if I'm stressed, I'm covered in Zits. As for having a nose too big for your face, yeah right. lol can you imagine having my nose??? you'd look rediculous!!! lol I think your nose fits your face perfectly. And your hair, seriously I LOVE some of the things you can do with it! It makes ME jealous! No matter how hard I try, I can't get my hair to hold a curl, and here you are with a bunch of them! As for it being frizzy. Blame the weather. Seriously. my hair has been looking a whole lot like a scared squirrel's tail lately! And your teeth... do you not remember that I had a double root canal at the age of 15??? So, stop putting yourself down, and start counting all of the many blessings you have! You've got a wonderful husband who is THERE with you, he cares, he loves you. You have 3 other beautiful healthy children who want their mommy to be better! You have a beautiful house to live in, and an amazing yard for your kids to play in! You've been blessed with so many talents! And you have such an amazing relationship with your savior! You've been blessed in so many ways! So instead of finding faults in yourself, find the beauty, the things you've been blessed with. because you're an amazing woman and I'm so blessed to call you my best friend!!!
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