Preparations

Reality is starting to set in again. I'm 26 and 2 days along now. I had thought we lost baby at 11 Weeks 1 day because of bleeding and contracting. I was heartbroken, but it was just a partial placenta abruption. Then at 15 Weeks 1 day my water unexpectedly broke. We went in and heard the most horrible thing a mother could hear at this point in the pregnancy. "no matter what you do, this will be a miscarriage" and "since the baby won't make it, you might as well educe labor within a couple days so you don't get infection that can cause you to leave your other three babies with out a mother".

11 Weeks 1 day later: no infection, fluid levels have finally risen, i'm sill pregnant, and baby looks to be doing perfect. Isn't everyone glad I didn't listen to the doctors week after week about inducing baby. She had a higher chance they could have ever realized!! I hate that they so freely wanted me to kill her without even giving her a chance! I would have never done it though. Not unless I was for sure dying.... And even then it would have been very difficult to decide whether to just go a head and die or live with that decision.

Things have gotten different lately. Signs that time is nigh? Contractions are increasing, I feel odd, Leaking is increasing and doctors are starting to worry about me.

I realize that even still things can turn for the worst and to be honest, i'm not ready to have this baby. I'm not ready to deal with a preemie or a death. Not yet anyway!!! I'm too scared. This is going to happen whether I like it or not.