Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Giving Up?

The perfect place to explode or unwind when one feels they have no one to really hear them out.

Lately I have forgotten what a dilemma I am in. I have stopped drinking my water, I have gotten up to get myself snacks, to go into rooms of the house that are forbidden to me (because I tend to fix them up) , I have stopped taking my extra vitamin C (with a million other vitamins I took), and I have even slipped a couple times with my prenatal vitamin. In fact, It is almost like I have given up. It is a miracle that I have been sitting down so much still. (sitting instead of laying!!?) 

It all started with my 23 weeks visit to the doctor! My fluid had gone from immeasurable to 8cm in just a weeks time!!! I was still very careful because I knew it wouldn't last. how could it? Then at 24 weeks, they didn't admit me to stay because my fluid went up to 9.1cm. I couldn't believe it was still going up! So I started slacking off.... one thing at a time. My next appointment registered that my fluid went back down to 7cm. I didn't feel I was leaking that much during the week and was surprised!! It is a wonder that this didn't throw me back into routine! So tomorrow I go back in to get my fluid checked. If it has gone below 5, I'm in trouble or baby is. If It has gone up or stayed the same, I'm doing great still.

I feel horrible inside and out. Just icky! Like the day my water broke. I am tired, sore, crampy, have a head ache, and I can barely walk to the bathroom. It is probably my body begging me to go back to my routine of taking care of it.. I have to do it for baby. She can still die!!! I have to realize that just because I have made it 11 weeks when the doctors said I wouldn't, doesn't make me in vincible 

2 comments:

  1. You can do it Johanna, hang in there! Not too much longer. I know it seems absolutely forever when you can't do a darn thing. I think you are feeling awful, because you need fluid!!!! Maybe get some gatorade or something instead of water all the time. I know you can do this. You are a very strong mama!! Try not to get discouraged, this little lady needs you.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. I am starting to increase my fluids back up to a gallon a day. Thanks for helping me stay strong. I need more support than I realize!

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