20 WEEKS

I had my weekly appointment with doctor today! AND the ultra sound tech of course!

Want to know how it went? GREAT! The ultra sound tech measured a fluid pocket of 2.33 and another of .69 which is a total AFI well over 3.0! Baby was moving a little bit but not much. The kidney’s were full of fluid and so was the bladder, which means they are working properly and making more fluid. Now, I know that an AFI of 3 isn’t great but it is so much more amazing than what we have been getting. AND yesterday I had a small gush (that made me very sad). My belly went from ROUND to THAT BELOW in a instance. I was so depressed but am happy to hear I hadn’t lost it all!!!!

ALSO…. Can you believe it? We got a nice shot of the crotch! Now don’t get too excited the results are shocking, and not 100% positive!  Are you ready for it?

What do you think? Girl or Boy?

(just disregard the words on the picture) (wink)

 20 WEEKS! I MADE IT!!! Next goal 24 WEEKS... here I come!

Breaks My Heart

I want to sob! My husband and I just watched Quigley Down Under. GREAT MOVIE, until she tells the story of how she smothered her baby when the Indians attacked. AHHHHH! My heart nearly broke as tears streamed rapidly down my checks. I couldn't hear it! A sweet innocent baby dying like that! Then the DINGO's came!!! SHE WAS DOING IT AGAIN!! My heart broke into a million pieces! I was sobbing so hard that John thought I was having a heart attack. She did realize what she was doing and let the baby cry but the those stupid dogs kept coming! I was uncontrollable! Tears drenched my shirt and John's shirt and my face was stained and my voice was gone. I lost it big time.

Now I will admit that my biggest and deepest disgusts are helpless infants being harmed. It always kills me. The worst thing, is a helpless baby being treated in such manners! Am I the only woman that really gets urked by this? Am I overly senstitive to these things? I always have been like this. Nothing can ever change it! OH THE BABIES!

For the first time, I think I have realized what I am going to be faced with, in a few months. AND I don't think there is anyway possible for me to come out of losing such an innocent life! Especially if it is my fault, somehow! I have to do everything I can to get my baby here safe!  Why this? I can't do this!